Just Wait Until...

Last week started the beginning of the madness of every day school drop offs. After one drama filled drop off and one perfect drop off, we are in the groove of constantly coming and going from school. Isabelle goes Monday, Wednesday, Friday while Henry goes Tuesday, Thursday. I’m not going to lie by the end of last week I was spent. Even though we generally keep busy, adjusting to a new schedule can be exhausting. Keeping track of which kid was going which day, which kid needed a snack, which kid needed lunch, which kid needed to bring classroom supplies, which kid needed to be picked up at what time, etc. it was mind boggling. On top of school, add in gymnastics, our weekly scheduled playdates, our MOMS Club activities, plus food shopping, errands, and household chores, it was tiring.

Now I’m not one to generally complain so when anyone would ask how our week went or how school is going I would generally answer with something simple like, “It was good but tiring!” Do you know what just about every.single.person responded to me with? Some variety of: well it doesn’t get any easier, wait until the kids are older, you think it’s bad now wait until xyz, wait until they this, wait until they that.  I find it interesting that everyone finds it necessary to tell me how things are just going to get worse in the future. Is a life of misery really all I have to look forward to?

It really made me think of how we focus on the negative and transmit that back to other people. So from now on, when someone tells me about a tough day they had, a problem they’re having with their child, or any general complaint, I’m going to do my best to just listen and empathize. I’m going to refrain from comparing it to what I’m doing/have done and I’m going to refrain from telling them how the future will be (especially if I think it’s going to be bad). I’m just going to listen because when someone tells you that they are exhausted a kind ear might just be all that they are looking for.

Be afraid - the worst is yet to come.

Why Do People Wear So Much Perfume?

Last night I went to TOTEM – Cirque de Soleil. It was my first time seeing a Cirque show and I honestly had no idea what to expect. I was a little nervous that it might be too artsy or “weird” for me but it was so good. Annie and I were completely baffled for most of the night as to how they could do the moves they were doing. They were amazing and the show was great. However, there was one major downfall to the evening. The woman who sat in front of us had BATHED herself in perfume before heading to the show.  I could smell her coming before she even got to her seat. I am one of those people who is blessed with ridiculous allergies to just about anything and am especially bothered by smells. I spent most of the night blowing my nose and sniffling. What I don’t get is how do people not realize that they have put on WAY too much perfume? Do they think it smells good? Clearly, the guy she was with didn’t mind since they were making out during parts of the show.  I don’t get how he could stand the smell. Is his nose broken? Does he think a normal smelling woman wouldn’t love him? So I’m asking all my Dollops readers - Does someone you love suffer from overperfumism? If so, I encourage you to have an intervention. The snifflers of the world would really appreciate it. Thank you kindly.

Rules to Follow Before Giving Hand-me-downs

I love hand-me-downs. I will happily accept used clothes, toys, baby gear, and anything else that you want to throw my way. Once I’m done using the items I will then pass them along to the next lucky recipient. When passing on used items there are some general rules that I follow that I would think would be pretty universally known. However, the more hand me down items I receive, the more I realize that people are not aware of the rules so I thought I would share here. Without further ado, I give you the top four rules to follow when giving someone hand-me-downs.

1. Size Matters – When you tell me you have a bag of 2T boys’ clothes that you are looking to get rid of. Do you know what I expect to be in the bag? 2T boys clothes – BINGO! I don’t expect a random assortment of clothes from newborn to size 4 for both boys and girls. At that point, I am not appreciative of your generosity with sharing your clothes. I’m cursing you for making me waste my time sorting through clothes that I don’t need/want. Have a random bag of clothes that you are looking to dump without sorting? Well then donate the entire bag to a local charity. I guarantee you that they will not be shouting expletives while going through the bag.
2. Stains, Holes, Rips Need Not Apply - I get it – stains happen. I know. I have three small kids. Although I have no problem seeing stains on other children, I generally try to limit the stains on my own children’s clothes. Holes are sewn and ripped clothes are turned into rags. Now do I think everyone needs to be anal like I am? No. Am I completely offended when you give me a bag of clothes and some clothes have a few stains on them? No. However, it’s the bags that 75%+ of the contents are VERY well worn then I’d just appreciate a heads up. I can then politely decline your clothes and you can pass them along to someone else. 
3. Your Trash is not my Treasure - Looking to get rid of some toys that your kids have outgrown? Fabulous, I’d love to take them. I’d just appreciate it if you could give me all the pieces to the toys and discard the broken ones. There’s nothing worse than the kids seeing a big box of toys only to discover that half the puzzles are incomplete, toys are broken with jagged pieces of plastic jetting out of them, and the Barbies have no heads. Have a box like this that you’re looking to get rid of? Please present it as, “I have a large box of trash that might contain two or three salvageable toys in it. Would you like to have it?” You can imagine what my answer will be.
4. A Little Soap Goes a Long Way - Kids are gross and toys get dirty. I know. Hand-me-down toys do not need to be spotless and I’m not expecting you to wash the toys before you give them to me. However, when you are giving me a box of INDOOR toys they should not be covered in grass and leaves. That right there is the dead giveaway that you have given me a box of junk from your garage. Oh, the dead spiders at the bottom of the box also seal the deal.

So all that being said, whose got some hand-me-downs for me?!

Our New (Unwanted) Alarm Clock

For most, the first signs of spring are warmer weather and budding flowers. However, for us the true sign that spring has arrived is a special, little, noisy visitor that comes around each year – a woodpecker. Now before moving to this house, I had no idea how noisy a woodpecker could be or how stubborn. Each morning around 6am we have this one woodpecker who comes and LOUDLY drills on our metal gutters. It sounds like a jackhammer outside our window. It is seriously SO loud. One of us then goes outside to scare him away and he looks down at us with a look of annoyance that we would dare yell at him while he is happily doing his morning ritual. Our loud yelling and shooing at him does nothing and we then have to throw something up at him to get him to go away. When this first started happening, I thought that we just had a really dumb bird land on our house and didn’t realize he should be drilling on wood. Nope, turns out he knows exactly what he is doing and the loud noise is what he uses to attract a mate and claim his territory. Doesn’t this horny, territorial bird know that if I am lucky enough to still have my kids in bed at 6am that I don’t want to be in my jammies throwing random objects at him? If it’s not one thing, it’s another, right?!

 *Photo courtesy of Wikia.com

What You Don’t Want to Happen the Day You Move in Your New Home

Last week marked the five year anniversary of Tim and I purchasing our house (our first house at that). We closed on Friday March 1, 2007 and did not have the picture perfect move in experience that one hopes for. The closing went off without a hitch and we excitedly headed to our new house. The big move would be the next day with our friends and family but we were taking over a few things on our own and also had the cable guy coming to install everything. It was a cold, rainy, icy, miserable day which would only end up getting worse. We decided to run the dishwasher mainly to make sure it worked and figured it hadn’t been run in a while so we might as well, right? After it had been going for a while, the cable man shouted up from the basement that we should turn off the water because water was coming in the basement. In actuality, water was GUSHING into the basement from a pipe. We spent the rest of the day using buckets, mops, and a wet vac to get the water out. The house had been empty for a while before we bought it so we figured that there must have been some part of the pipe that was frozen. We were able to open up and empty out the pipes in the basement (which only added more water to the basement/bucket project). Oh, and of course while all this was going on, we couldn’t use any water in the house which normally wouldn’t have been a problem. However, I had just found out a few days before that I was pregnant with baby number one (Isabelle) and would have given anything to be able to use the bathroom! We ended up doing all we could, we found some ice in the pipe as it left the house to head to the septic and got rid of it but it didn't solve the problem. Water still couldn’t flow out of the house to the septic and just kept coming back in the basement. So we had to call it a night and bright and early our friends and family arrived at our apartment to help us move. After slipping on some black ice (which is a pretty awesome thing to do when you just find out your pregnant) I headed to the house to wait for the septic guy to come since we had run out of “do it yourself” fixes. He arrived and said that the septic itself must be full and perhaps frozen and he would need to pump it. Great, however, the ground is covered in snow/ice so he needs to jackhammer the front yard to get to it. “Oh hey, new neighbors don’t mind us with our jackhammer and moving truck!” After all the hammering it turned out the septic was completely empty and not the problem at all. He put our lawn back together as much as possible and told us to just run hot water on low indefinitely until any “hidden” ice in the pipes melted. Sure enough, this simple fix was exactly what we needed and we were finally able to use the water again. 

Our front yard on move in day!

I wish that was the end of our plumbing woes, but for the first few weeks we lived in the house we came to find out that the downstairs toilet would constantly get clogged. We had a plumber come out and they did some things which made no difference. Tim eventually took matters in to his own hand and took apart some of the pipes in the basement and within the pipe he found…

A TAPE MEASURE!

Apparently, when the contractor installed the new toilet before we moved in, he must have accidentally knocked his tape measure down the pipe and it had been living there ever since. So alas alas, it turned out the tape measure was indeed what was making it difficult for things to get down the pipe. Never a dull moment when you are a new home owner, right?!

My Nemesis

My washing machine is my nemesis. Now let’s be clear about this, it’s not the dirty laundry but the actual washing machine that I hate. With a family of five, it’s just par for the course that there is going to be endless laundry. I’ve accepted this fact. However, my washing machine does not help my cause at all. It does this pretty awesome thing where about 40% of the loads, it does not fully spin dry. So that means that when I go down to switch it over to the dryer, I find that the clothes are still soaking wet and need to be spun again. Sometimes, I even find them soapy still and they then need to be rinsed and spun again. On super lucky days, after I re-rinse and re-spin, I go down to find that it needs to be spun AGAIN. Of course, I think the machine knows when I have tons of laundry to do, need something specific from the load, or it’s midnight and I’m trying to get the last load in the dryer, and decides that is the time that it’s not going to spin properly. It is truly infuriating. We’ve checked out the machine, connections, etc. and there is nothing obviously wrong with anything. We’ve had the machine for less than five years so I hate to have to buy a new one (I’m also super cheap). So until I give in and bite the bullet for a new machine, I’m going to continue the day to day battle. If anyone ever hears of a crazy house wife setting fire to her washing machine in the middle of the road someday, you’ll at least have this post to look back on.

Drain & Spin, my ass.

Top Reasons that Sippie Cups are Magicians

Here are the top 3 reasons that sippie cups are master magicians:

• In order to be a great magician, you must master the art of deception. How does the sippie do this? Well it gives you the illusion that it is leak proof and spill proof while actually being the complete opposite. Through three kids and many cups, I have yet to find one that lives up to its claims. A master deceiver indeed.

• To be a good magician, you must have great patience. The sippie has this. It will wait and wait until the right moment when either the child is flipping out and/or you are about to walk out the door and then…

• It disappears! This is by far the skill that the sippie has mastered the most. You will see it on the coffee table no more than 30 seconds earlier and then voila it is gone. You will then waste the next 10 minutes of your life looking for it. Inevitably, it winds up under the couch even though you checked there multiple times already. I can’t even get mad anymore because I am just in awe of its skills.

I have come to determine that the sippie cups come down from the cabinets each night and practice these skills while we sleep. After all, to be a great magician, practice makes perfect!

We watch you while you sleep...

Most Annoying Facebook Posts

I love Facebook. I think it’s a great tool to stalk keep up to date on people. I am constantly checking it day and night. Some might say I’m obsessed. Of course, with any great love there is always a downfall. This time however, it’s not Facebook, it’s the people (aka my friends). So here we go folks, my top list of things that people do that drive me crazy on Facebook:

• When people use extremely vague and dramatic language when they are clearly talking about one specific person and/or event.  Example: “I can’t believe that someone who claims to be my friend would go behind my back and be so hurtful.”  Of course this post is then followed by comments from people that are nicer than me that say things like, “Oh, I hope everything is okay,” “I’m thinking of you,” “Call if you need me. Hugs.” You will never receive such a response from me because if you’re not going to give us the details behind it then I don’t want to hear about it (period). Thank you.

• When people act much tougher on Facebook than they are in real life. Example: “It’s a good thing that girl walked away when she did otherwise I would have showed her just how mad I really was.” Really? You’re a skinny, white girl, who has never hurt a fly what exactly were you going to show her? I for one would have liked to have seen if she hadn’t walked away. 

• When people post EVERY single thing they do in a day. You went to work, the gym, cooked dinner, are going to bed - Guess what?   No one really cares. Unless there is a specific reason for posting it or there was a funny thing that happened, then I don’t need to hear it. Thank you.

• When people constantly post about how sick they are or their children are. Now occasional posts letting people know that you and your loved ones have come down with the plague are okay. However, I don’t want to hear endless posts about how you are feeling and ones that are clearly just looking for an (over)abundance of sympathy. I also do not need to hear all about the color mucous your kid is coughing up and I definitely don’t need to see a picture of it. Why don’t you try sending a private message to your doctor instead? Thank you.

Are you guilty of doing some of the above? Well then you might just be on the Facebook friend chopping block.

What status updates make your blood boil?

Tis the Season Not to Complain

With just a couple of days left before Christmas, I know what I have at the top of my wish list – To hear fewer complaints. Now I know it’s natural to have complaints when it’s a busy, expensive time of year but come on people. Let’s have some holiday cheer. Now, I am not without the complaining bug myself but I do think that some people have been bitten by the bug more than others. We all know people who just take every single task and put a negative swing on it. Can’t think of anyone? Well then maybe it’s you. Here’s the thing: We are all doing the same things this time of year. We all have shopping to do, cards to send, parties to attend, family to see, baking to do, traveling to do, etc. etc. etc. If these are your biggest problems right now then you’re life is pretty good if you ask me. If these tasks make you that miserable then why don’t you make some changes? Buy less, do less, have a few vodka shots, do whatever it is that will make you happy. So leave the Grinch north of Whoville, put a smile on your face, ditch the grievances at the door, and join me in a toast (or ten) to the most wonderful time of the year!

The Magic and Misery of DVRs

Okay, so I love my DVR. We received a free year of service when we switched cable providers almost two years ago. Of course, the free year came and went and there was no way I could get rid of it. Something that lets me watch General Hospital, Teen Mom, and all kinds of trashy shows at a moment’s notice, how could I ever give that up?  Now I know there are all kinds of other ways to watch shows in an instant (over the internet, Roku, etc.) but we are still cable people (mainly because we are just too lazy to make the switch) so let me just enjoy my DVR.

But of course, with all great things comes a problem. The DVR has created little monsters in my house. I made the very foolish mistake of fast forwarding commercials on some kid shows for them. BIG MISTAKE. Now every time they watch TV all I hear is, “Commercials!!!” whenever they come on. They yell it as if their eyes will burn out of their sockets if they are forced to watch them. Now let’s keep in mind that most times when the TV is on it’s because I am trying to do something productive (or just escape the kids). No such luck now, Isabelle will come find me in other rooms in the house just to tell me that the commercials need to be fast forwarded. I tell her to go back and she whines and complains all the way back to watch the horrific commercials. There’s no way Henry would lose his comfy spot on the couch so instead he just yells, “Mommy!!!!!!” until I respond. This morning I was all soaped up in the shower enjoying a few minutes of peace with the baby napping and I hear the yelling. So much for a peaceful shower. I’ve also heard Isabelle say to Henry, “When Mamma was little she had to watch commercials ALL THE TIME.” They talk about it like I had the worst childhood ever because I had to watch commercials. I haven’t even broken the news to them yet that we also had like five channels and no remote control. That might just send them over the edge. So yes, my wonderful DVR has now become a source of pain and irritation, but I suppose if this is what I am complaining about then life can’t be that bad. I’m off to go fight the good fight about fast forwarding!