The Rush. The morning rush. The can't be late for soccer rush. The can't be late for piano rush. The can't get the kids ready for bed fast enough rush. All of it - it's doing a number on me lately. The main reason it's bothering me is because I can't seem to fix it. I'm Type A. I like structure and organization and to solve problems. After almost seven years as a mom, I'm starting to feel pretty defeated. I think The Rush is winning.
It doesn't matter what I do to be prepared for it, something unexpected comes up that throws it for a loop. Last night for soccer was THE NIGHT that we were going to arrive on time, skipping, and holding hands as a family with smiles and there was going to be no yelling and no rushing. I had planned it that way. I prepared for it. It was happening - until it didn't. There was an unexpected nap and an unexpected potty accident that went over the allotted "emergency" time I had factored in. I was frazzled and annoyed but we were still close to at least making it on time. That was until I realized on the drive there that, amongst the chaos of the departure, I had forgot my purse at home and we had to turn around and go back. It made me so mad.
It's always something. The mornings are the worst. I don't get how so many small things can go wrong each morning that "ruin" the whole thing. The boys are up hours ahead of time and we're still rushing. I pick out outfits the night before. I make sure lunches and backpacks are ready. Shoes are put away on the mat each night before bed (one of Isabelle's chores) and ready for the morning. I feel like we do so much to make sure the mornings are smooth and I don't need to get frustrated or yell but more often than not it's exactly what I do. I don't want the big kids last memory of me each morning to be yelling to get to the bus stop but alas, alas, it generally is. The part that really frustrates me is that I try so hard not to make that the case. Why can't I control it more? GDammit, why can't it run smoothly? Really, I know that I just need to accept that I can't fix it and go with the flow. People say the world won't end if we're a little late for things but I'm not sure I believe that. It's just not who I am. I am controlling and neurotic and might just end up in the looney bin over all of this. I sure hope they serve peanut butter cups there.