Purging My Entire House

A couple of weeks ago, someone posted on Facebook a link to a summary of Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Have you heard of it? I had seen people posting about it here and there so I clicked through and was totally sold. If I wasn't as cheap as I am, I would have bought the book immediately. Instead, I went online and reserved it from my library and I am currently number 183 on the wait list, Yup, that's not a typo - ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THREE! Just goes to show you how popular the book is. Now as is, just from reading the summary I have started DRASTICALLY getting rid of so much in our house that I feel like maybe it's best to not read the entire book. I might be living in an empty house if I got the book right now. That being said, if any locals have it and are done with it - go ahead and drop it in my mailbox!

Anywho, back to the purging. So it sounds like part of the book is nutso (the sock chapter for those who have read it), but some of it really spoke to me. People have so much STUFF. Stuff that we don't need. Stuff that hangs over us and we just can't seem to let go of. Well let me tell you, I'm letting it all go. The gist behind Kondo's book (again, I haven't actually read it) is determining if your personal items "spark joy." Do they currently make you happy? That dress in the back of your closet that you spent way too much money on for a wedding years ago and have never worn again? Thank it for its service and the joy it brought you that night (thanking is a Kondo thing) and donate it. You don't need it. It's taking up space. Let it go bring joy to someone else.

So I've started using the "Does it spark joy?" as I'm making my way through the house. I'm looking at things that I've held on to for years and years that I don't need or want anymore but just haven't been able to get rid of before. I came across a white pocket book and gloves that I wore on my First Communion. I've kept it since I was seven but you know what? I don't need it. There's no joy sparks there so I passed it along. The longer you hang on to things the harder it is to give away. I came across some glass decorations/knick knacks from one of my apartments when I was young and single. They were cute and they were nice but they're not me anymore. They are from another life that I lived before my husband and before kids. So I sat there for a minute, looked at them, remembered the great times that I had in the apartment with friends, I smiled, and I put them in the donate bucket. They don't want to sit in a box in my closet, they want to go live another life on display with some new, young girl.

The memorabilia and the back of the closet stuff is hard to get rid of. You know what's not hard to get rid of though? The toys! So many toys and so little time for the kids to play with them especially come the fall when all my kids will be in full time school. The kids have actually been coming to me this week offering up things to donate since they've seen me getting rid of so much. The purging is addictive.

In the last 4 weeks, I've had a donation truck come pick up a whole bunch of stuff and have made 4 trips to a local second hand store to donate items. I went on Friday to donate items and was back again on Sunday. Once I've packed it up, I need it gone asap. I actually might have a problem but oh man is it freeing. I don't need 9 glass bowls or 12 assorted mugs or 7 plastic platters or 27,000 reusable grocery bags. I've been keeping the things that I use regularly and donating the rest. I can now easily find things in closets and cabinets and drawers. I might just become the poster child for someone who has gone completely insane but man will my house be organized when they haul me off to the looney bin.

So much to donate, so little time

Totally In Love with My New Washing Machine

Can I just tell you how much I love my new washing machine? It has been completely life changing for me (which I do recognize is pretty pathetic). In order to understand why I love my new one so much it's important for you to know how bad my old washing machine was. It leaked water so we had to keep a jug under it. The jug had to be emptied every 3 loads otherwise it would overflow onto the basement floor. The washer didn't spin properly (or something) so about half the time I had to spin the load twice. It got to the point when I was happy to just have to spin it twice and not rinse and spin again since towards the end I'd go down and the clothes would be both wet and soapy. Plus, often the clothes were STILL dirty after all that! Oh, and if you washed towels or sheets it made a horrific noise that you could hear all throughout the house. You couldn't even think about washing anything large in it without committing to rinsing and spinning it like three times. Oh, kid, you peed all over your comforter? Sorry, your comforter's dead to me.

I finally hit my breaking point as did my husband (who I'm sure was sick of the piles of laundry around and my constant complaints), so we bought a new washing machine shortly after Christmas. We got a Samsung energy efficient top loading one. OH.MY.GOD. It's amazing. Know what it does? It WASHES clothes - correctly - on the first try! It is quiet, it is smart, it is friendly, it is magical. I can now happily wash several loads of laundry a day without having to rip my hair out. I never should have let Cheap Diane make me wait so long for a new one.

Hello, Lover.

 Now if I could just find a machine to fold all this laundry...

Found: A Nest of Baby Bunnies!

Last Sunday at our church's annual BBQ a baby bunnies' nest was found pretty much AT the entrance to the bouncy house that had been set up. It's a miracle that they weren't immediately trampled. Someone placed a blue crate over it to protect them and that started my obsessive bunny stalking over the last week. I've seriously spent way too much time this past week looking up information about baby bunnies on the internet and just staring at them.

Here they are last Wednesday in the nest:

Adorable or what?

We kept the crate over them during the day (since the nest was on the church/school playground) and took it off at night for the Mamma Bunny to be able to nurse. Did you know that a Mamma Bunny only nurses the babies 1-2 times in a 24 hour period (at night/dawn) and for only 5 minutes at a time. Beyond that the nest is left unattended and the Mamma does her own thing. Luckily, they had Mamma Diane and a few other church workers keeping an eye on them as well.

Here they are Friday morning...

So much bigger in just two days, right?

On Friday afternoon when I picked up Daniel from school, 2 (of the 5) bunnies were out hopping around inside of the crate so I knew they wouldn't stick around for long. So Monday late afternoon, all the kids and I headed back to see them one more time. When we arrived we saw this...

BOOM! My heart exploded

Two of them were out hopping around and super friendly.

Mr. Adorable

This guy even let the kids pet him!

One of them hopped away while we were there - he was ready. By Saturday morning, a friend let me know that the nest was empty. My babies had moved on.

This is where I wanted the post to end but sadly that's not the case. Today, when we got there (yes, between church activities, school, and bunny stalking I am there every day!) one of my bunny friends was found out on the playground who didn't make it. My guess is he was one of the bunnies that was still in the nest Friday afternoon and maybe just wasn't ready/able for life out in the cruel world on his own. So I did what any crazy person would do and I dug a hole and buried him out behind the church. There was talk in the office of just putting him in the dumpster but no way Jose. YOU might throw your dead bunnies in dumpsters or out in the woods but not me. MY dead bunny has a nice rock with a cross on it marking his grave. Yup, that's what I did on my kid-free morning off. I made a nice grave for a dead bunny. What has become of my life?!

BUT let's not end things on a dead bunny note - Let's end them with another adorable picture of his brothers and/or sisters!

Seriously, can you even handle it?!

My First Eye Exam: Am I Going Blind?

On Sunday I started seeing random, black, squiggly lines (also known as "floaters") in my line of vision. They actually came on pretty quickly and frequently while I was at church with the boys. Of course, I immediately started thinking things like "What is wrong with me?" and "Am I going to pass out?" Luckily, they subsided long enough for my rational brain to assume I was fine.

However, I've been continuing to see them pretty frequently since then. They happen most often when the light changes like from outside to inside or walking in to a bright room. So like all people who are deeply concerned with their health, I took to the internet for a comprehensive diagnosis. The conclusion from the internet was that I was just getting old and my eyes aren't as good as they used to be. However, there was a tiny chance that my retina was detaching so I decided to make an appointment with the eye doctor. I mean the last thing I needed was to wake up blind one morning, right?

I've actually never had an eye exam before in my life. My vision and eyes have always been great so I've never needed one. Well I went this morning and the verdict is I'm totally fine. I guess the jelly in your eye can clump up and that's what causes the appearance of floaters. Yes, that's my official medical description! It's not going to go away but I'm told I'll get used to it.

While I was there for the exam I had my eyes dilated. Now I know that this is a common occurrence and people get it done all the time but HOLY SMOKES. I had no idea how blurry my eyes would be. I literally couldn't (and still can't really) see anything. I got a text message in the office and couldn't even make out the name of the person it was from never mind the actual message. Hours later my phone still looks like it's been taken over by hieroglyphics. I don't know if because my eyes have never had anything done to them before they are even more like "WHOA! What is going on?!" or if this is what everyone's eyes are like. If so, why aren't more people talking about this? Is it because people are smarter than I am and assume that no one cares about their blurry vision? Well let me tell you - I can't see a thing and I am SHOUTING it from the rooftops. Seriously, it's insane.

PS- Please excuse typos in this post because well I can only see half the letters.

The No Sugar, No Booze Diet

I'm a sucker for a challenge. I just can't say no. So when I was recently asked to participate in a Game On! Diet challenge, I quickly looked over the rules and said yes. There is a book with all the rules but I'm participating in a Facebook group with one expert (Hi Susan!) who answers all my questions. Anyone who knows me knows that I'd have lots of questions since I'm a stickler for the rules.

So yes, the rules there are a ton of them, but the main points of the diet are that you can't eat any sugar (including any products made with sugar) or any sugar alternatives (like Splenda, etc). You also can't have any alcohol or snacks (except cucumbers or celery). The game is scored on points which you earn for:

• Eating 5 small meals a day (including a minimum of 2 servings of vegetables daily)
• Exercising for a minimum of 20 minutes a day, 6 days a week
• Drinking a minimum of 3 liters of water a day
• Sleeping for a minimum of 7 hours a night
• Maintaining a healthy new habit
• Letting go of a bad habit
• Communicating with your teammates daily

You are allowed one day off a week though where you can eat (and drink) whatever you want and one meal off a week, too. Those days are like godsends.

So yeah...I started the challenge last Friday so today marks one week. It has definitely been a challenge and eye opening. For anyone who doesn't know me well, let me make this clear - I LOVE SUGAR. I am a eat brown sugar out of the bag kid of girl. Oh, and did I mention this challenge started the day after Halloween? Do you know how much trick or treat candy was in my house with three kids?!

Basically, since you can't eat any sugar it really makes you eat food in its natural state - meats, nuts, fruit, veggies, etc. If you check the labels on just about anything else you will see some form of sugar in it. Also, some brands have sugar in their products while others don't. For example, the salsa we had in our fridge listed sugar as an ingredient. However, at the store I found another brand that didn't. Before this challenge I never would have even bothered to check for that. Conveniently, I had recently finished another crazy challenge where I couldn't eat any "bread" products so that helped prepare me for this challenge. I found that a lot of the gluten free products that I purchased do not have sugar in them so I am able to eat them. In general, I've found that the organic and more natural products do not have as much sugar in them. Of course, they are also more expensive though!

The no alcohol thing has been manageable since I can still drink one day a week if I choose. The main thing that has been a killer for me is no Diet Pepsi. I drink Diet Pepsi each morning as if it were my coffee so the first few days were hard. All I could think about each morning was how I wanted a soda! It has been getting easier each morning though. I do miss having something else to drink besides water though. I drink a ton of water anyway each day so I always meet the requirement but I miss having something different to drink each day. I was so desperate the other day I even drank a flavored seltzer water (ick!).

Soooo...anyway, that's my latest, crazy health kick that I've been working on. And I must say - it is working. I weighed in this morning and had lost 3 pounds in the last week. I really think the main reason I'm losing is because I can't snack on anything. I mean I guess I could eat celery but come on now, let's not be ridiculous.

Yum?

I'm Losing My Mind

Yesterday, Henry and I arrived to pick up Daniel at his school's playground. A friend of Henry's came running over talking about a picnic. Henry asked if we were having a picnic and I quickly replied no. I then looked over to see my friend standing near a picnic blanket and remembered that we had set a date to have a picnic with the boys. We had talked about it, emailed about it, it was on my calendar and yet I totally forgot about it. I am usually so good about being on top of things and remembering everything but lately I keep slipping.

On vacation, our house was part of a community that you needed passes to use the pool, bus shuttle, gym, etc. On day two I lost all of my family's passes as well as our family friend's. I was SURE I had left them at the pool the day before since I had no recollection of seeing them after we checked in at the pool the day before. The badges couldn't be replaced unless we shelled out over $100 so there was lots of calls to lost and found, retracing steps, arranging different transportation to the beach, and stress that followed. Later that night, Isabelle found the missing badges - in my bag.

The other day I got to the gas station only to find that my credit card was missing. I had used it the night before at the grocery store and started to panic that I had dropped it there. I arrived home where my husband told me that Daniel had found it - on the kitchen floor.

I had been looking for my sunglasses for weeks. Every soccer practice when the setting sun was blinding me, I'd comment on how I wish I knew where my glasses was. Daniel found them yesterday - in my car exactly where they belong.

Sooooo yeah...I appear to be losing it. I guess my brain has just reached maximum capacity. I blame the kids. Goodbye with-it Diane, it was nice knowing you.

Me and my crew who I affectionately say "You, whatever your name is!" to each of them.

When Ear Tubes Fall Out

Daniel had ear tubes put in a year ago in February. Since the spring, they have been out of his ear drum and hanging out in his ear canal. I guess the average span for them is 1-3 years so it's normal. Clearly, I was hoping for closer to the three year mark as opposed to one but what are you going to do. Since they've been "out" I've been somewhat obsessively looking at them in his ear and waiting for them to fall out completely. And by looking I mean making him stand there while I poke and prod his ears while holding a flashlight. I am sure that's not the doctor recommended approach. Apparently, I didn't need to obsess about it so much because the other morning Daniel casually handed the tube he had pulled out of his ear to my husband. The hubs was grossed out by it (in his defense it was gunky and gross) but I was psyched to see it. All I could think was how I could put it in his baby box. Now, I say baby box because as the third child he doesn't have a baby book but rather a Tupperware box that I randomly throw things in for him!

So tiny yet so wonderful

It's really amazing how such a tiny, tiny tube can make such a difference. These tubes were LIFE changing for us. He went from having an ear infection a month (at least) to only a few over the year that he had the tubes. I'm hoping that this fall/winter he does okay without the tubes and we don't go back to infection after infection. We are currently still in the throws of inhalers and nebulizers since he was sick on vacation so I'm hoping that's all we have to deal with this winter. Well in a perfect world we wouldn't deal with either but I'm a realist so I'm thinking that might be too much to ask!

Kindergarten Scares Me

Isabelle has orientation tomorrow and then starts full day kindergarten on Wednesday and I'm pretty scared. She is ready. She is beyond ready, so why the fear? She is my LITTLE GIRL. To start, I'm going to be sending her off alone on the bus into the big bad world. That world is scary. Those people are scary. It's all so scary. The bus is full of kids. Kids who can be mean. Kids who's potty talk will demolish her innocent little ears. Her classroom will also be full of kids albeit at least her own age. But these are new kids. Will they immediately like her? Will she make new friends? These are my fears - not hers. She is excited for the bus, she is excited for new friends, she is excited for everything. I am terrified.

Until now I've been the primary influence in her life. With the exception of half day preschool that she did three times a week last year, she spends 24/7 with me. She will now spend more time with her teachers than she does with me on a daily basis. I have absolutely no doubt that they can teach her way better than I ever could but still she's MY little girl. I know everything about her. I know how she's feeling. I know what she likes. I know what she needs. I am sure that they will figure it out and Isabelle will be totally fine in telling them but it still worries me. Isabelle is a planning, to-do list making, control freak and that is all to my credit (or fault?!). I (unintentionally) molded her that way. How will they mold her?

I know that at the end of the year she is going to be a totally different child. I know she will grow and learn and even that scares me. I'm not sure that I'm ready for that. I already see the changes happening and I want to freeze time. I want to keep her with me forever, just like this - young and innocent.

So tomorrow I will take her to kindergarten orientation with a smile on my face because I am happy. I'm happy that she loves to learn. I am happy that she is so excited to start this new chapter in her life. Inside, however, my heart will be breaking a little.

Minivan Mamma

Two weeks ago my husband was in a car accident. He was actually in a parking lot and a woman (clearly going too fast) ran into him and totalled his car. He was fine (thank God) but we've been dealing with the annoyance of the accident ever since. We had both cars paid off and no intention of buying a new car anytime soon. So we went back and forth on what to buy. Should he get a small commuter car since the kids rarely go in his car? Should he get an SVU that could fit the kids in it if needed? Should he live out his dreams and get a truck and make his weekly Home Depot trips magical? I said (and honestly meant) that he could get anything that he wanted. 

I've made it no secret that my next car without a doubt will be a minivan. Knowing that I would need a new car in a few years, his practical side won out on his decision. What did he agree to do? He let me get a new minivan and he's going to drive my Mazda 5. Yup, he's not so bad.

So he picked up my new ride last night and brought it home. It's a 2013 Toyota Sienna and it's pretty amazing. I went outside to check it out while the kids finished dinner. I sat in it alone and in the quiet and debated if I would ever get out of it. Inside it was the kind of place that my dreams are made of. Shortly after, the kids came out half dressed with dirty hands and faces and jumped like crazy around in "their" new car. My magical moment was gone but it was pretty nice to see them so excited about it. People can say what they want about minivans but gosh darn it I love them. The doors, the space, I just can't get enough of it. I almost slept in it last night. 

She's a thing of beauty

Too Much Fun at Bon Jovi

On Saturday after I finished my first 5K, I prepared for a night of fun with my friend Liz. I had won tickets to see Bon Jovi who happened to be playing in our town. We arrived several hours before the concert started equipped with vodka, chips, pizza, and cookies to tailgate. It was like a dream come true. We spent hours talking, drinking, laughing, and enjoying our kid-free time to the fullest. The concert was great and we really couldn't have asked for a better night.

Upon arriving home the awesomeness of the night hit a speed bump. I realized that I had lost my license and debit card. I had gone into the show empty handed with just my money and card in one pocket and phone in the other. After all when you can get away without bringing a bag, why would you? I was so annoyed because I couldn't figure out how I had lost them. I still had my money and my ticket stub but no cards. I hadn't even used my debit card while there so how did I lose it? After searching the house again to confirm they were gone, I called and cancelled my debit card around 1am.

The next morning I told my husband how I had lost the cards only for him to inform me that Henry found them in the bathroom that morning. Yup, that's right, my four year old easily found what I searched high and low for. In hindsight perhaps I should have put down the bag of chips I was devouring while looking for them.

While I was very excited that they were found I was annoyed that I had (responsibly) already cancelled my debit card. I had envisioned some drunk concert go-er trying to maliciously use the card. Meanwhile, it turned out a drunk concert go-er had just dropped them in her own bathroom.

Here we are about to head into the show (debit card tucked safely in pocket)

My Morning Confession

I have a confession to make - I drink Diet Pepsi EARLY each morning. I used to have a self imposed rule that I wouldn't allow myself to have one before 9am. However, now that I'm up at 4:45am each day, 9am feels like noon. Literally from the minute I get home from boot camp (6:20am) I can hear the soda cans calling my name. "Come to us, Diane. Drink us, Diane." So now I have a new rule that I am not "allowed" to have a soda before 7am. I think this means I might be an addict. Although, it's just the morning time that I drink it. I might have another can later in the day but often I don't. There's just something about that sip going down in the morning that I need love. My mother actually used to drink soda first thing in the morning so I'm sure I got it from her. I can remember being in my bed and hearing the ice cubes clink in her nice, tall glass of Pepsi. I guess this soda can didn't fall far from the tree.

So I'm coming out loud and proud to the closet soda drinkers of the world saying I am with you. You are not alone.

Cheers!

Eight Things I Learned from Boot Camp

Four weeks ago, I was petrified as I started a boot camp class after not working out for years. Pretty much if you looked up couch potato you would see a picture of me next to it. So now four weeks later, I’m here to give my tidbits of knowledge of things I’ve realized over the last month. They are, in no particular order:

• The first week you will hurt in just about every muscle and bone in your body. You will partially feel awesome for your accomplishment and partially just want to dig your own grave (if of course, your arms would actually work to hold a shovel).

•  You may need to pop an Advil while driving TO your second boot camp class because it hurts just to walk and you can’t even imagine having to exercise again. Not like I ever did that – wink, wink.

• Jumping rope is MUCH easier when you are child.

• You will do things that you would NEVER ever do or even think of doing before. I mean have you ever looked at a park bench and thought, “Oh, I’ll just army crawl under that – ya know, for fun.”

• Getting up at 4:45am is actually NOT as bad as you would think it would be. Your body gets used to it and the class does actually give you more energy. Of course, you have to go to bed earlier which is also an adjustment.

• Your instructor will recommend you buy running gloves partially for when you do burpees across the parking lot so you don’t shred your hands on the pavement. Instead, you will go to Target and buy $9 kid’s football gloves and call it a day.

• If you continue to say, “I worked out this morning so I can eat whatever I want” you will not lose your muffin top. I’m still reminding myself of this daily.

• Boot camp makes you swear.

So there you have it – that about wraps up my last four weeks. There are men and women from all ends of the fitness spectrum that get up BEFORE sunrise to have their asses kicked. These people are crazy – and now I am one of them. Oh, and did I mention I’ve now bumped it up from three times a week to five times a week. Seriously, what is wrong with me?!

If anyone is interested in jumping on the crazy train with us and lives in the Foxboro, MA area, check out The Extreme Challenge. We’d love for you to join us!

PS - Army crawling gives you elbow burn if you're a wimp like me.

Target Fail

Isabelle, Daniel, and I headed to our home away from home this morning, aka Target. It started out like any other trip - trying to convince the kids (and myself) that we don't need everything in the Dollar Spot. I then ran into a Dollops reader (Hi Lisa!) who introduced herself to me. Love when that happens!

Of course, it didn't take long into our trip for Isabelle to announce that she had to use the bathroom.  Will I ever be able to go to a public place without touring their bathroom facilities? I don't think so. Oh, and you're always in the exact opposite spot of where the bathroom is when you need to head there. So on our journey to the bathroom we cut through a closed check out line where Isabelle walked directly into the counter where you use your credit card. It was exactly at the wrong spot and a BAD bash. It's looking much better now but at the time it immediately formed a big red/blue bubble on her eyelid which forced her eye shut. Those eye injuries are the worst. After taking one look at her completely deformed eye, the Target staff was very helpful in supplying us with an ice pack (thank you, Target!).

Unfortunately, between caring for Little Miss One Eye and constantly supplying snacks to keep Daniel quiet during the actual check out, I forgot to pay for the milk that was in the bottom of the cart. The trip started out so nicely yet ended with me as a Mom Clepto. You can't win em all, right?

Contraband Milk

Boot Camp: Day One

Last night I set the alarm for 4:45am and settled in for a restless night sleep. It turned out I didn't even need the alarm because nervous anticipation had be me up before it went off anyway! I then headed out to my 5:15am Boot Camp class. For those of you thinking you've landed at the wrong blog after reading that last sentence - rest assured you are in the right place. After not working out for years (this is not an exaggeration) I jumped off the deep end of the crazy pool and signed up for Boot Camp. I am happy to report that I SURVIVED!

When I got there my two girlfriends (who I suckered in to signing up with me) were also just getting there. The teacher immediately said, "Okay girls, go give me a lap." Ummm...does she realize that is not a normal thing in my world? A scoop of ice cream? Yes. A lap around the gym? No. I knew I was in trouble then. We then followed that with 50 sit ups, 50 push ups, 50 squats, 50 jumps, and then 50 minutes of me thinking I might vomit. At first I thought it was the running that made me feel like I would throw up. Then I thought it was the squats. Then I thought maybe it was all the weights. Then I realized it was really just everything that caused that feeling. Good news is though I did NOT vomit (Go, Diane!).

I also did my first set of Burpee exercises today. Like a dork, I had to ask the teacher to show me how to do them because everyone else there already knew. She called me her "Burpee Virgin" and high fived me. Let me tell you - that was a virginity that I would have been fine with keeping.

But yes, long story short: I am alive and well. I'll be doing this three days a week now for the next four weeks so I'll be sure to keep you updated on any horror stories.

Please note: I'm writing this post now while I'm still on the workout high and before the muscle pain kicks in and I can't move. I feel the post would have a different vibe if I waited until then!

6:15am - Sun rising and work out is done!

My Muffin Top Needs its Own Zip Code

A year ago, at this time I was finishing up a Biggest Loser challenge with a group of friends. I successfully lost sixteen pounds and was down to my pre-Isabelle weight. I was skinny and feeling great. Fast forward a year later and I'm not feeling so great. I honestly haven't stepped on the scale but it's clear that my weight is up because my clothes aren't fitting right. You know when you try on three different sweaters and then settle for a baggy hoodie instead? Yeah, that.

I've written before about growing up in a house void of vegetables and the challenges I had with weight. Making healthy food choices is something I still struggle with. The roots are deep on that one. Last year, I was tracking the food I ate with My Fitness Pal and it was a huge help. The problem is that not only did I stop tracking but I also stopped caring so much. An extra dessert here and there? Sure, why not! An extra glass of wine? Yes, please! And now here I am wearing the extra pounds from dessert and wine like a horrible badge of honor.

I am a strong believer that people can be happy and (generally) healthy at any weight. It's not about what the scale says but rather how you feel. The problem is that I'm not feeling great right now. I just wish I had a magic wand for my thighs through my waist.

I think I may have reached the point that I need to suck it up and start a real exercise regime. The problem? I hate exercising. I just don't have that gene in me that some people have that makes them love it. I think I got double the bacon gene instead. I envy people who run races. It's just never been me. If you see me running, it's most likely because I'm chasing a toddler who's heading for oncoming traffic. But I'm beginning to think that I just need to suck it up and start exercising. Sigh.

I'm using this candid picture from BabbaCo as the registration form for my new zip code

My Name is Diane and I Don’t Read Books

My name is Diane and I don’t read books. It felt so good to get it off my chest. Although my timing may have been off since I announced it as my introduction at my first book club meeting. I had joined the club because I like the idea of reading. I also like the idea of a night out without kids that includes snacks and wine. The problem is I just don’t read books. I never really have. Needless to say, it was my first and last book club meeting.

I have friends who love to read. They spend hours devouring books and can’t get wait to get the next one. I’d like to be that way but I’m just not. Every once in a while I try it out again thinking if millions of people regularly enjoy books, why not me? I start a book but never finish it. It doesn’t matter the topic or the length of the book. I just can’t seem to commit. My cousin once recommended a book that had a very similar plot to a breakup that I had. It was virtually the story of my life and I only made it half way through. When I started blogging a friend gave me a book to teach me all the secrets of being a successful blogger. I only made it two chapters in.

Recently my blogging friend Marianne co-wrote a new book: EpicMom: Failing Every Day a Little Bit More Than You. While I was so excited for her I started panicking that I would need to read the book. I mean how can you not read a book when a friend writes one? Could I fake it? Could I just let her think I read it? Maybe. 

When the book came in the mail I was both excited and terrified.  So it’s been a few weeks now and I am here to report that I READ THE BOOK!!! I’m not even lying. I can’t even believe it myself. The book is written in short little stories (2-5 pages) that are the perfect length for a space cadet like me a busy mom. The stories and anecdotes are an honest account of being a mom, having a family, and life in general. They talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly and make you laugh while doing it. Also, how could I not love a book that has this line in it? “I walk the aisles of Target, my happy place, my true salvation, and I think how lucky I am, lucky to be born in America in a time when Target exists.” Amen.

One of my favorite parts of the book is also the footnotes. Anytime a company/brand is mentioned they reference who started it/why it’s famous but also something funny about it. Example: “Intervention is a television show on the A&E channel. Storage Wars is happier.” True story.

This book has proved my theory that to be a great mom all you have to do is be honest, laugh at yourself, and drink lots of wine. I’m so glad I read it and I totally think you should, too. You can buy one on Amazon HERE and once you’ve laughed your butt off, come back and tell me about it!

*I purchased this book with my husband’s hard earned money and received nothing in return for writing this post. All opinions are my own.*

I Almost Died at Sting Ray City

We recently went to the Ocean Explorium where they have a tank that you can touch sting rays. The kids loved it but for me it brought back memories of the time I was almost killed by a sting ray. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I guess more accurately it would be the time I almost died of fright at Sting Ray City in Grand Cayman.

Tim and I were on a cruise with a bunch of friends (back in our pre-married, party days!) and decided to go on an excursion. We weren’t looking to spend a million dollars and avoided the “beach day” type ones given my pasty pale skin. So we decided to go on an island tour that ended at Sting Ray City. Now I’m not a complete idiot so clearly I knew that there would be sting rays involved but I had no idea what I was getting myself in to. I stupidly thought that we would take a small boat out to an island where we would all get off. All the crazy people (including Tim) would venture out into the water and I would sit on a towel on the beach. MAYBE I would go in up to my ankles but that was it. I had no desire to be close to sting rays and I definitely didn’t want to swim with them. I almost didn’t even wear my bathing suit that day but it’s kind of your uniform on a cruise ship. 

Soooooooo…we go out on the boat and the captain announces that we have arrived. I look out to see no land ANYWHERE. They had thrown the anchor down on a sandbar, threw a ladder over the side, and people were jumping off the boat into the middle of the ocean. I started to freak out. It was then that Tim confessed that he knew that this was what was going to happen but didn’t tell me because he feared I wouldn’t go! So sure enough here I am on a boat in the middle of the ocean and everyone else has happily jumped to their death in to see the sting rays. I knew if I didn’t go in that (1) I would look like a loser being the only person left on the boat and (2) I would most likely regret it later. So I begrudgingly went into the water which was much higher on my 5 foot 2 body than most of the other people. Tim was able to be about waist high while I was shoulder high in water (in the middle of the freaking ocean!). Oh, and sure enough the sting rays loved me and were zipping past me and gliding off my legs. Meanwhile, they didn’t go near Tim or the other people who wanted to actually get up close and personal with them. 

I have no idea how long we were out there but it felt like an eternity. When they finally said it was time to swim back to the boat I had never been so happy in my life. So looking back, I am glad that I got off the boat but you better believe that I’m definitely doing more research before I agree to any excursion again!

This was the next day. I would have been so pissed if I died before I got to see this view.

Please Don’t Buy Me Flowers

In preparation of Valentine’s Day, I’m just going to say it: I hate flowers. Okay, okay that’s a bit harsh. I guess I just don’t understand flowers.

While most people would be excited to have their (fill in the blank) buy them flowers, it’s really the last thing that I want. Yes, they are pretty and look nice but what am I supposed to do with them? We live in a small house that’s overrun daily with little tornadoes. Our coffee table is covered with Barbie, Spiderman, and farm animals – not roses.  All of us can barely fit at our kitchen table to eat never mind look at a beautiful, flower centerpiece. Our kitchen counters are used to cut crusts off sandwiches and a safe haven for endless art projects to dry. So if I do get flowers I constantly have to move the vase from one spot to another while we try to live our lives around the flowers.

Speaking of vases, what do you do with them when the flowers are dead? We have a collection of empty glass vases collecting dust in the basement. I suppose I could do something crafty and pretty with them. Maybe fill them with glass beads and put them on display? But again WHERE?

Oh, and speaking of dead – the little petals and leaves that start falling off? As if I need one more thing to have to sweep up.

And let’s not forget the main reason that flowers drive me nutty – they are so damn expensive! I just can’t get my head around spending $50+ on something that is constantly in my way and is already on its way to death’s door. Instead, I’d prefer $50 worth of Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts or $50 worth of Diet Pepsi. Actually, better yet, I’d prefer 50 minutes of alone time at Target. 

So I respectfully repeat, please don’t buy me flowers.

Great Expectations: Struggling Through the Terrible Twos

Today, I am honored (like legit honored) to be guest posting over at G*Funk*ified.

For those who aren't familiar with the blog, it's run by the super awesome Greta who is a mom to four young children and is sweet, sincere, and sassy. She has a guest post series called Great Expectations where people share an expectation they had and then what it really turned out to be. Today, I'm openly admitting the struggles that I'm having with my youngest. I'm questioning my choices, my parenting skills, and my sanity. Click HERE to read the whole story and while you're there leave me a comment to let me know you stopped by G*Funk*ified. Oh, and why not go give Greta some love on her Facebook page, too? Thanks!

Thank You Notes: A Lost Art Form?

Yesterday in the mail I received a thank you from my cousin. Had I given her a present? Had I done something extra special for her? Nope. I had simply invited her to a party that I had. She came and had a great time and wanted to thank me for extending the invite. It was a nice note that absolutely did not have to be written (and mailed) but it was so nice to receive.

It reminded me how my husband and I recently had one of our repeat conversations about how he thinks my family is crazy about thank you cards. He said he’s never heard of people who write as many thank yous as we do. The older I get the more I realize that we might be a bit crazy about it. After all, by far the majority of thank yous I receive are indeed from my own family. However, it’s a kind of crazy that I want to be. It takes so little to say thank you and really only a bit more effort to write it. My mother raised me to write thank you notes for everything. After every holiday, birthday, event, etc. I can remember sitting at the table with her writing out thank you cards. It was just what we did.

I am now doing my best to raise the next generation of thankers. Every time my children receive gifts I make them write thank you notes. Obviously, they are small so we tweak the thank you accordingly. Isabelle and Henry dictate the message to me and I write it for them. They then color a picture or design on each letter. Daniel also scribbles his own personalization on his thank yous. I feel that it’s really important for them to add a personal touch to it. Beyond the whole obvious reason that someone did something nice for us and we want to acknowledge it, it’s rare to get regular mail that isn’t bills so a handwritten thank you goes a long way. So yeah, I guess I am crazy about thank you notes. I can only hope that when my kids are grown that they are crazy for thanks yous, too.