Sunday, March 1, 2015

Life Is Never The Same Once Your Mom Dies

Six years ago today, my mom passed away. I think of her frequently, although honestly, probably not as much as I used to. Time passes and life moves on. You start living a new life where you remember that she's gone. You don't immediately think it's her anymore when your phone rings - You know it can't be. No matter what though, life is never the same once your mom dies.

Your home is not the same. They say home is where the heart is but really I think it's home is where your mom is. Although, you might visit her home after she's gone it's never the same. There is an emptiness that exists that seems to be jumping out from the walls. 

The birth of your final baby is not the same. As you hold him in the hospital minutes after his birth, all you will wish for is that your mom could be there to meet him. His first crawl and his first steps wont be the same either because she'll never be there to see them.

Your children's concerts, plays, and graduations are not the same. As you sit watching them you will see all the other grandparents in attendance and wish so much that your mom could be there to see them. You know she would beam with pride at her grandchildren - If only she had gotten the chance to see them grow.

Your birthday is not the same. Although you may be surrounded by friends and family that you love, you'll think of her. You'll think of her XX years ago sitting in her own hospital bed holding you. You'll wish that you could tell her what a great mom she was and how you are the person you are today because of her.

Holidays are not the same. She won't be there to see your children search for Easter Eggs. She won't be there to hand out Halloween candy with you. She won't be there to open your Christmas present. All of those things won't go unnoticed.

Television and movies are not the same. You'll see movies you watched together and wish you could watch them one more time with her. You'll see shows that she loved and you couldn't stand. You'll wish that you gave in more frequently and watched them with her because spending more time with you was all she really wanted.

Food is never the same. Your favorite meals will remind you of the times you shared them with her - and how you never will again. You'll never be able to eat her favorite snacks without a flood of thoughts about her.

These reminders of your mom are often welcomed. They might make you smile or laugh. However, some days they just make you ache. They remind you of the hole in your heart that will never be filled.

Six years ago today my mom died and life has never been the same.

My mom and Isabelle (Easter 2008)
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