Monday, September 2, 2013

Kindergarten Scares Me

Isabelle has orientation tomorrow and then starts full day kindergarten on Wednesday and I'm pretty scared. She is ready. She is beyond ready, so why the fear? She is my LITTLE GIRL. To start, I'm going to be sending her off alone on the bus into the big bad world. That world is scary. Those people are scary. It's all so scary. The bus is full of kids. Kids who can be mean. Kids who's potty talk will demolish her innocent little ears. Her classroom will also be full of kids albeit at least her own age. But these are new kids. Will they immediately like her? Will she make new friends? These are my fears - not hers. She is excited for the bus, she is excited for new friends, she is excited for everything. I am terrified.

Until now I've been the primary influence in her life. With the exception of half day preschool that she did three times a week last year, she spends 24/7 with me. She will now spend more time with her teachers than she does with me on a daily basis. I have absolutely no doubt that they can teach her way better than I ever could but still she's MY little girl. I know everything about her. I know how she's feeling. I know what she likes. I know what she needs. I am sure that they will figure it out and Isabelle will be totally fine in telling them but it still worries me. Isabelle is a planning, to-do list making, control freak and that is all to my credit (or fault?!). I (unintentionally) molded her that way. How will they mold her?

I know that at the end of the year she is going to be a totally different child. I know she will grow and learn and even that scares me. I'm not sure that I'm ready for that. I already see the changes happening and I want to freeze time. I want to keep her with me forever, just like this - young and innocent.

So tomorrow I will take her to kindergarten orientation with a smile on my face because I am happy. I'm happy that she loves to learn. I am happy that she is so excited to start this new chapter in her life. Inside, however, my heart will be breaking a little.

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