Please Don’t Buy Me Flowers

In preparation of Valentine’s Day, I’m just going to say it: I hate flowers. Okay, okay that’s a bit harsh. I guess I just don’t understand flowers.

While most people would be excited to have their (fill in the blank) buy them flowers, it’s really the last thing that I want. Yes, they are pretty and look nice but what am I supposed to do with them? We live in a small house that’s overrun daily with little tornadoes. Our coffee table is covered with Barbie, Spiderman, and farm animals – not roses.  All of us can barely fit at our kitchen table to eat never mind look at a beautiful, flower centerpiece. Our kitchen counters are used to cut crusts off sandwiches and a safe haven for endless art projects to dry. So if I do get flowers I constantly have to move the vase from one spot to another while we try to live our lives around the flowers.

Speaking of vases, what do you do with them when the flowers are dead? We have a collection of empty glass vases collecting dust in the basement. I suppose I could do something crafty and pretty with them. Maybe fill them with glass beads and put them on display? But again WHERE?

Oh, and speaking of dead – the little petals and leaves that start falling off? As if I need one more thing to have to sweep up.

And let’s not forget the main reason that flowers drive me nutty – they are so damn expensive! I just can’t get my head around spending $50+ on something that is constantly in my way and is already on its way to death’s door. Instead, I’d prefer $50 worth of Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts or $50 worth of Diet Pepsi. Actually, better yet, I’d prefer 50 minutes of alone time at Target. 

So I respectfully repeat, please don’t buy me flowers.