Sunday, January 8, 2012

To 4th or Not to 4th?

Anyone who really knows me knows that I secretly long for another baby. They are like a drug for me. I just want more and more. I can remember Isabelle being less than a week old and already thinking of how I couldn’t wait to have another one. I guess it’s no surprise that Henry came along just fourteen months later. When Henry was born, again I couldn’t wait for another. Then nineteen months later we had Daniel. Now Daniel was a difficult baby for us but clearly I’ve just erased the negative in my mind at this point and think about how warm and snugly and adorable new babies are and the desire is right back again. I had a hard time when Daniel turned one since it was the first time that I hadn’t already been pregnant with another. I tell myself that I’ve come to terms with not having another but that’s not 100% true. That acceptance is my rational, practical, side talking. The side who knows that we can’t fit another person in our house. The side who knows we can’t easily afford the everyday expenses of another baby never mind college expenses. Yet, the completely irrational side of me just wants to have babies until they are busting out the windows. 

I do have to say that I am enjoying the children being a bit older. Since they are close in age, we have had a long time of constantly having a baby to look after and care for. While I do love the baby stage, it can definitely get tiring. This weekend we went up to visit our new niece who was born earlier this week (a newborn – yeah!!!). She was tiny, adorable, and perfect. For the first time in a long time, Tim and I were able to relax with family and not have to watch our children like hawks. Although Daniel is a terror, if you put him in a playroom with a bunch of cousins, he will happily play and (generally) behave. It was nice to not have to pack a million things, baby food, formula, binkies, etc., etc. It was nice to be able to relax and occasionally glance in to make sure the kids were okay. Actually, it was more than nice. It was awesome. Then last night as I laid down to bed, I thought how it was great to be able to get a full night’s sleep and not have to be up in a couple of hours to feed a newborn.  These are the things I remind myself of when the baby bug is itching. Rational Diane reminds me of the lack of sleep. She reminds me of how Daniel screamed all the time as a baby. She reminds me of how he projectile spit up CONSTANTLY. Then Irrational Diane thinks about how tiny newborn diapers are, how chubby the childrens’ cheeks were, how amazing it is to see all of their “firsts.” Deep down, I know that Rational Diane is going to win and we are at our max. However, Irrational Diane is still going to sit here and pine for another one. ..

Diane and new Baby Scarlett (5 days old)

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